One Telephone Call

 

I was studying in my room one afternoon at New Life when I was called downstairs. The secretary had eada phone message for me. It was a message for my mother. I stood there in shock for must have been a minute. I had no idea she even knew where I was. She and I had not seen each other since I had left in January when I left the house during my breakdown This was in September.

Nervously I went upstairs to the client phone to call her. My mother and I have always had an almost eerily close relationship. Perhaps it came from the close bond we formed over my childhood illnesses. Maybe we became so close all those years we felt as the victims of Walter's cruelties and abuse. I knew when I got her on the telephone that I could tell by the first syllable out of her mouth if this was going to be a good call or an incredibly bad call.

I was afraid when I picked up the telephone. My hands shook as I dialed the number. Had something bad happened to her or Robert? “Bad” is a relative term considering what I had done to them myself. Stealing from your own family, at least in my eyes, was unforgivable.

I shook even harder as the phone began to ring. But when she answer and I told her it was me she said “Hey baby!”, I knew everything was going to be all right. A warm feeling came over me and tears started to well up in my eyes. Mom told me all was forgiven and she missed me terribly. Waves of joy and relief flowed through my tears.

Mom asked me how I had been getting to work and I told her that I had been riding the bus. After what I sensed was an initial shock on her part she asked what I thought was a most unusual question. She wanted to know if my drivers license was still valid. I told her that it was, of course. It's not as if I had a vehicle to have an accident in or to possibly get a DUI in while driving. She said that she was no longer driving and then offered me her car to get around in. The incredible happiness I felt was tempered by her statement that she no longer drove. I asked why she was not driving any longer and she admitted that she had become lost one day while driving to the grocery store that was literally around the corner from her house. I was very confused by this but didn't ask any more questions.

She wanted me to come and see her. I told her that I was eligible for a weekend pass that coming weekend and she asked me to come and stay with her. I had to ask her to repeat herself because I could not believe what I was hearing. The thought of sitting in my mother's presence was an indescribable feeling. When we finished our telephone conversation I immediately went downstairs and filled out a 48 hour pass request for the following weekend.

One of my friends drove me over to Mom's apartment on Friday and agreed to pick me up in time to get back for curfew on Sunday. I nervously knocked on the door that for so many years I opened and walked in. Still not completely sure where my boundaries were with my mom I didn't want to assume anything. She opened the door and hugged me so tightly that I thought I might not be able to breathe and I hugged back just as hard. There was no weirdness between us, no awkwardness, only heartfelt apologies.

Once before, after I got out of jail a month or so prior and was staying at my friends apartment I really had an incredible urge to go home. He dropped me off at the door. I nervously knocked at the door and when my mother answered I walked in and begged her to let me stay. She acted as if she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She told me to get out as I begged to stay and told her I had no place else to go. She got on the telephone to get Robert to come home, I assumed so he could throw me out. No matter how much I begged and pleaded she continued to refuse to let me stay. I could certainly understand why she didn't want me there. I had stolen money from her, I was still addicted and I would probably steal again. I was the same person who had left 2 months before.

When Robert arrived I barely recognized his face it was so full of anger and disgust. I would not have been surprised if he had punched me in the face. I had never seen him look like that. But he had every right to be angry. I had left him and Mom in such a horrible financial and emotional situation. Mom told Robert to take me somewhere, anywhere, away from her house. She gave him $20.00 for gas to take me back to my friend's apartment in Ridgeland. Not one word was spoken until I tried to apologize to him and he told me if I opened my mouth again he was going to knock my teeth out. He then turned off at the Elton Road exit, and, with nothing but a small duffel bag and not even a penny to my name, he pushed me out of the truck and onto the road. His tires screeched off as he drove off and left me on the side of Elton Road on a dark, cold February night.