And That Was That!

As soon as I was released from the hospital and the three of us settled into life as a family of three I started suspecting that all was not right with Bob. I was off on maternity leave for 5 more weeks and I think he resented having to get up and go to work leaving Robert and me sleeping. So, he started calling in sick.

Although I was on maternity leave for 5 weeks that doesn't mean I was getting paid for all that time. Since meeting Bob I had used several sick days and having to quit work early before the baby came and the weeks I had to take off for early dilation and family therapy, I was only getting paid for 3 of those weeks. Bills still had to be paid and it worried me greatly that he was not working regularly. One morning when he called in the 4^th time in two weeks I said that we were not going to be able to survive if he did not go to work. He got this furious look on his face and threw Robert's umbrella stroller across the room hitting the rails of the baby’s bed. That was it! Do what you want to me but you will NEVER hurt my precious baby!

I grabbed my baby, his things, a few of my clothes and I never looked back. We moved in with my mother who was thrilled to have us with her. That way I would not have to pay day care. She would keep Robert for me while I worked as she had taken early retirement back in 1986, so no daycare bills and it was much better for his health.

It would be untrue to say I did not wrestle with whether I had done the right thing. But a child needs a loving, not violent father. As far as I was concerned my mother and I had more than enough love to shower on Robert.

It was a long, drawn out divorce process that was not completed for more than a year. There were no property disputes, only disputes over visitation rights. Bob was granted visitation but it was to be supervised by his Mamaw. He was also ordered to pay $150.00 per month of which I never saw a dime. I would have paid him $150.00 a month just to stay away from us. He only came to get him once and his grandmother was with him. He never showed up for visitation with the exception of that one and only time. Thank you, Lord!

I got back to work and we settled into a nice routine with Mom. I never woke them up. I would get dressed for work and leave them snoozing every morning. It was really a great set up. I missed Robert so badly while I was at work. I thought of him all day and couldn't wait to get home to feed him, play with him, bathe him, and kiss him goodnight as I put him down for the night. He was such a beautiful, happy baby. It made me cringe to think what he would have been like had I stayed with Bob. I'm sure he would have grown up afraid, much as I had.

Before we knew it two years had passed. Robert had begun talking in full sentences at 15 months. He could say “I have an extraordinary vocabulary.” at 18 months. We never talked baby talk to him. My mother's penchant for constant talking I am sure had a great affect on his precocious speech.

One night in October of 1991, Robert came to me and said he wanted some grape juice. Not having any in the house, I went to my wallet and knew it would be empty as it was the day before payday. I resolved then and there that if I couldn't afford to buy my child some grape juice when he wanted it, I was going to have to make some changes.

For the past few months I had been drinking quite heavily. Always the insomniac, I started drinking wine, a whole carafe, 3 or 4 nights per week. As it always happens it soon went beyond trying to get to sleep and into full-blow dependance. I dropped it cold-turkey which was extremely difficult, but I did it. I also went out and bought a box of over -the-counter sleep medication for the nights I could not sleep. My thinking was that not only was I spending a lot of money on alcohol, I couldn't go back to school hungover every day! I had decided to go back to college at MC to finish my degree. I was going to quit my full-time job because I felt night school would take forever and clean houses for a living. I was accepted back at MC and left my job on January 10, 1991. My classes started the next day.